Events

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the...

A businessman, who was previously a sailor, knew that ships are always addressed as "she" and "her." He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To resolve this he set up two groups of computer experts, one of women and one of men. He asked each group to determine whether computers should be referred to in the feminine or the masculine gender. Each gave four reasons for their recommendations. The group of women said computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: In...

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot, Father." After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says "Whoa...

A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," said the woman. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber...

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm round her...

Nu, enjoy, Eis mien kinde, Eis. Burp. Latkes In a latka, the oil is in the pancake. There is a rumor that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. Although this is not certain, it has been proven many times that if you've eaten one, you'll have heart burn for the same amount of time. Matzoh The Egyptians' revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a simple mix of flour and water--no eggs or flavor at all. When made, well, it could actually taste like...

By Bruce Marcus and Lori Factor-Marcus 'Twas the night before Christmas, and we, being Jews, My girlfriend and me—we had nothing to do. The Gentiles were home, hanging stockings with care, Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there. But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down, There was nothing but boredom all over town. The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight; There weren't any concerts to go to that night. A dance would have saved us, some ballroom or swing, But we searched...

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," says the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken." Submitted by reader K.T.

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days...

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your husband "borrowed" it. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By...