Events

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no...

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he makes his move. "No thank you." she says politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But it has my husband pretty upset." Submitted by reader L.M.

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania. They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control, Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the...

The captain of a Syrian airliner sends out a distress message: "Mayday, mayday, mayday, Syrian 174, flame out engine one, we want to land at any airport in the Mid-East that's not in Israel." No answer. A short while later he announces, "Mayday, Syrian 174, flame out engines one and two, requesting permission to land at any airport in the Mid-East OTHER than in Israel." Silence. A while later the captain announces, "Mayday, Syrian 174, we are desperate. We have lost two engines and are losing the third....

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself....

A woman walks into a dermatologist's office complaining of a rash. She lifts her shirt and shows the doctor a rash on her chest in the shape of a backwards G. The dermatologist asks, "How did this happen?" "Well," she explains, "my boyfriend plays football for Georgia Tech, and he likes to wear his jersey when we have sex." The doctor accepts this and gives her a lotion for the rash. The next day another girl walks into his office, and shows him an H-shaped rash on her chest. "Does your boyfriend play...

Actor Samuel L. Jackson, of Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown fame, will play "Jedi Master Mace Windu" in the upcoming Episode One of the Star Wars series. braverman.org, having obtained a script on the black market, is pleased to excerpt some of Mace Windu's lines: "You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for." "Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker." "This is...

"Jessica!" Her name, screamed so close in that small place, brings them both back to earth. He pulls out, startled as she jumps and sees the man standing above them. His face is purple, raging; his eyes bulging, bloodshot, manic. The man in the stall knows something is very wrong. As she gasps "Pete!" and moves in her nakedness to placate him, somehow, the man with her dresses hurriedly. "Pete" is motionless for a long moment, eyes unbelieving. But as "Jessica" tries to deny what he's just seen, he...

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come...