The Daily Parker

• You're 5'4", can bench-press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and you still cry when your mother yells at you.
• You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella "sangwitches," 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular paper lunch bag.
• Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 black Mercury.
• Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
• You consider dunking a pack of Stella D'Oro "S" cookies in milk as a nutritious breakfast.
• You live in a 900 square foot bungalow, but still have 2 kitchens (one in the basement).
• Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
• You are a VIP at more than 4 after hours clubs.
• You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All 5 of these cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
• A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
• You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
• You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
• If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
• There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
• You netted more than $50,000 at your First Communion.
• You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
• You know what a riceball really is.
• You have pasta on Sundays and Thursdays.
• On Christmas Eve...only fish.
• You have a gold chain with a cross and your horn.
• Your Momma's meatballs are the best.
• Your favorite movies are: Godfather, Goodfellas, Bronx Tale, The Last Don and Moonstruck.
• You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
• Plastic on the furniture is normal.
• You know how to pronounce "manicotti."
• You've called someone a "mamaluke."
• You own a Pinky Ring.
• And you understand, "Bada Bing, Bada Boom."

Submitted by reader B.i.